A Guide To Writing For Profit

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INTRODUCTION

You might not get to give up the day job, but with a little
practice and determination you could be on to a nice little
earner writing readers' letters.

Word for word, this has to be the highest paying of writing
forms, unless of course you just happen to be one of the
world's best selling novelists with fans waiting in all corners of
the world for each and every word you write. Even letters as
short as a dozen words are published and highly paid for by
almost every magazine and publication you care to name,
and few publications continue to offer the once familiar 'token'
award, in the form of humble plastic pinny or ballpoint pen.

Star letters today are more likely to attract payments of œ10 -
œ25 for their writers - not a bad return for what often amounts
to so few words, neatly, succinctly and grammatically entered
on to a sheet of paper.

Readers' letters, despite some improvement in their general
status, are still not universally accepted as falling within the
scope of traditional writing forms. Fillers though, often consi-
dered mini-articles, are viewed in an entirely different light.

Freelance writers will far more readily admit to submitting
fillers in an attempt to boost their normal earnings than they
will to writing readers' letters.

There exists however a means of working to both disciplines,
since a great many letters pages tend to rely heavily on filler
techniques, and so we find letters included which are in fact
dressed up versions of anecdotes: rhymes, photograph
submissions, jokes, overheard conversations and so on, all
of which belong more appropriately to the fillers section.
Page 1
Listen Very Carefully....'

Overheard in the checkout queue: 'Now listen very carefully
to this. I promised not to repeat it, so I can only tell you
once!"

A Gun Dog

My four-year-old daughter, Amy, was telling her aunt all about
her best friend's lovely new dog. "He's a golden revolver",
she declared with solemn confidence.


Turtle Trio

(With photograph of three children) Here are my own 'radical'
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NHOρƒŽ € AÏðpÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏÏturday only in which case a higher charge is made. Other
customers may want to have a one-off whilst others will want
a semi- permanent arrangement. The secret is being able to
competently meet the customers requirements at all times
whilst ensuring that you don't have any empty spaces. You
would be well advised to only accept professionally produced
adverts as if they are not so, it could have an adverse effect
on potential advertisers.

OVERNIGHT PARKING: Wherever possible, the trailer should
be parked so that as many people as possible can clearly
see it as this will be a bonus advertising exposure for your
customers.
Page 3
STAGE TWO

By substituting the towing car with a 'Jap Van' such as a
Nissan Urvan, Bedford or Isuzu Midi, Mazda, Toyota or
similar, it will enable five boards to be fitted either side of the
van without any difficulty as the bodies are all about ten feet
long. Such vehicles are very economical and reasonably
cheap to buy second hand. It is very important to ensure that
the van is clean and tidy at all times although age doesn't
matter too much.

By changing the towing car to a van, it will be seen that the
total number of boards increases to 28 which by then should
have allowed your charges to have risen to œ5 per day per
board. This will gros œ140 per day which after deducting the
petrol and the running costs of the specially purchased van,
will leave you with at least œ100 profit per day.

For general information, many organisations calculate the full
cost of running a vehicle at about 25p per mile. This includes
fuel, Road Tax, insurance, M.O.T., maintenance as well as
depreciation. On this basis, as you will be driving no more
than 100 miles per day, your costs equate out at about œ25
per day.

MARKETING: This is going to be the most difficult part.Setting
up the physical side of the business is well within the abilities
of most people but marketing takes a lot of trail and error to
get it right. The cheapest and easiest way of attracting new
customers is simply to have one of your display boards
carrying your own advertisments, i.e. To rent this space,
telephone 0123 456789.To get the business going, you may
well have to offer special deals, even to the point of offering
spaces free as you really do not want to be seen driving
around with a trailer full of empty spaces.

Other methods of getting customers include sending carefully
worded sales-letters/brochures/flyers to as many local
businesses as you possibly can either by hand delivery or
post. The process should be an on-going procedure until
such times as you are totally satisfied that you have all the
customers that you need. Alternatively, telephoning can have
Page 4

Page 4

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Cleverly worded adverts carefully placed in
Business Opportunity type magazines either in
display or classified format can easily earn
vast amounts of money very quickly without
need for a high quality product. The quality
of the product will of course affect the
repeat order potential but by and large, it's
the actual repetitive eye-catching ADVERT
that get's the money rolling in from
enthusiastic buyers. For example:

A complete home-based Opporte visited, are
all side-issues to your employment, which when written up
into interesting letter form will readily find a place on the
majority of letters pages.

Life's Irritations, both Major and Minor

Do you hate politicians, bureaucracy, back-seat drivers,
mothers-in-law, neighbours? You do? Great! We all hate the
very same things sometimes. Get your pen out and give us a
chuckle, or simply cause for thought.

Pets/Children/Husband/Wife/Friends/Neighbours, etc

Don't you just hate it when they suggest we shouldn't love our
pets as much as we do? So do I, and because of this, I once
won a star letter prize by voicing my preference for the
company of my beloved boxer dog, when incensed by a
fellow-reader's letter, which suggested mother-dog-lover
types keep our pets purely as 'Child substitutes'. Come to
think of it, now that I have got the kids, I wonder if a follow-up
letter might be necessary to reinforce my earlier point that
'kids are kids, and dogs - are simply wonderful!'
Page 8
down to the barest minimum, whilst still retaining the essential
message with that all-important rhythm and flow. Delete all
repetitiveness destined to create boredom - repetition has
little part to play in short manuscripts other than to reiterate
the most important of points.

Look again at the letters published within the pages of your
target publication. Are they captioned? If there is a tendency
to include a short caption to the letter then why not try
providing it yourself? It might end up being changed once it
reaches publication, but the mere fact you have tried your
hand at captioning your work will be sufficient to convince the
editor that you have at least paid attention to the general
requirements of that publication's letters page.

I've lost count of the number of times I have been asked
whether a typed letter will, or will not win over a handwritten
example, and in general there really is no satisfactory answer.
If I had to decide in favour of one over the other, then
perhaps I would fall on the side of the pensmith, but only to
the extent that not all readers will have access to typewriters,
and it may therefore be that a written letter will be viewed the
likely work of an everyday reader, as opposed to a freelance
writer attempting tob oost his or her income from more
traditional writing sources.

When you aren't restricted by deadlines, such as the need
to reply speedily to another reader's letter or an editor's
invitation for readers' views on set topics, then it's always a
good idea to put your work to one side for a while in order to
give your mind the opportunity to 'sleep on it for a while', with
the intention of reading your words afresh at a later date.
When you do read your letter again, perhaps a week or so
later, ask yourself: Does it make sense? Is this what I
intended to get across?

Do the words flow or do I stumble over any parts of the
wording?
Have I repeated myself unnecessarily?
Would another word or phrase be more suitable than that
which I have chosen in my initial wording?
Can I make it better in any way?
Page 5
If your letter still fulfils all requirements of succinctness,
smooth-flow, and grammatical accuracy, as well as still
pounding in your mind worthy of a place on the target
publication's letters page, then write it up on the best paper
you can find, and post it.

What Else Should I Know?

You should never send the same letter to more than one
publication at any particular time. Editors live in constant fear
of discovering that a letter on their page coincides with one
on the pages of a rival, or dare we imagine it, several rival
magazines?

Don't copy someone else's letter verbatim. This is
'plagiarism' - a much frowned upon practice of cheating
for the writer to succumb too. You obviously might agree
entirely with the writer of another letter and wish to say as
much; perhaps you wish to expand upon your fellow reader's
views, all of which is okay as meat for your own letter, but
never, never, copy what one reader has written, with the
intention of leading the editor and his readers to believe the
work consists of entirely your own original thoughts.

If after a few months you have heard nothing of your letter's
fate, then you may safely retrieve it, perhaps amend or
update it, and send it to another suitable publication. Usually
a space of three to six months before re-submission will be
adequate. Some letter writers believe you should wait a year
before considering an alternative publication; in doing so they
seek obviously to ensure their letters have the very last ounce
of a chance of publication, without the accepting editor
finding the letter has appeared elsewhere, and potentially
endangering chances of future publication - unlikely under the
circumstances that any editor would be so unforgiving.

In order to keep track of items on offer, an efficient record
system is essential so that those letters not accepted by one
publication can ultimately be offered to another editor. A
small record card, even a plain white postcard, will suffice for
each letter, with sections to record the contents of the letter,
date of submission, title or caption, target publication/s, etc.
Page 6
Now a word about the writer's identity. You will almost
certainly start your career by writing entirely under your own
name, but there may arise an occasion when you wish to
submit a letter for which you do not wish to reveal your true
identity. Perhaps you don't genuinely believe what it is you
write, and it is by no means essential to convey your real
opinion. You might though not want those friends and
relatives who know that you stand for one principle to find
you supporting another, and hence a pseudonym will
disguise your true identity. You might also fear that as a
successful writer, used to regular acceptances, the editor will
pass your letters over in case accusations of favouritism
should be forthcoming. Whatever the reason you are allowed
to use a name different to your own, even to ask that your
name is not included at all with your letter. You won't find
problems in paying cheques made out to your 'pen-name'
into your bank account; it's standard practice for
professional writers to receive payments in names other than
their own.

Some letters have a great deal to gain from the
accompaniment of a photograph. In the women's magazines,
the odd things children say are all the more likely to be
published if a photo of the little rascal is provided by which to
satisfy the imagination of the magazine's eager readers.

In some letters pages the photograph stands alone, and
added words would merely detract from it. Think for instance
of those silly shop names, the odd signs we find on the
highway, and so on. What for example could I have added to
my photograph of sheep grazing in a field, beside which there
was placed a sign stating: 'grass cutting in progress' relating
as it happened to the agricultural mower a few yards removed
from my lens' field of vision?

What Subjects are best for the Beginning Letter Writer?

Anecdotes: Anecdotes are short narratives of particular
incidents or occurrences of an interesting nature, to which an
element of humour is usually added. Examples include: the
things kids say, odd shop names, silly signs, odd and little
known facts, quotations, malapropisms, and so on.
Page 7
favour short letters, some select a sizable proportion of
rhyming contributions, some like jokes and quips, some
instead choose only staid, serious comments on the more
serious aspects of life.

A letter's very beginning will very often distinguish one chosen
for publication, to that passed over for relegation to the
rubbish bin. Some published examples start almost with a
'headline' opening, perhaps a short statement intended to
shock or surprise, maybe just force the reader into
continuing to the letter's end, the latter of course being our
precise intention from that very minute we pen those words
'Dear Editor'. If the editor finds nothing in those first few
words to prompt him or her to continue, the readership in
general will not be even allowed an opportunity to assess the
value of the words to follow.

The very best letters tend to be, if not short, then at least
concise - straight to the point, with not a superfluous word to
spoil the rhythm and impact of what it is the writer has to say.
The successful correspondent will ensure that every word in
his or her letter has a part to play.

Until your letter writing becomes more fluent, write down in
full, all of those points you wish to make without caring too
much about their order or actual wording. When you have
listed all of the points concerned, then plan their most logical
sequence within your basic framework. Re-read your work
and if it makes sense and is sufficiently interesting, then turn
your attention to the actual words you will use to convey your
message. Will you for instance use a headline opening? If
you write of your night spent in an hotel with a colourful
history, will you add greatest impact by beginning:

'In July we stayed overnight at the XXX Inn...'

or will the editor and ultimately his readers, be more swayed
to finish reading your work if you begin:

'Now I know why they call that hotel's ghost The Grey Lady.
The very first time I saw her...!!!'
Once into the body of your letter, try cutting the wording
Page 4
Sarcasm to one side, you do get the point don't you, that
subjects of such everyday importance can still give rise to
powerful, prize-winning letters?

Seasonal and Anniversary Related Topics eg stories of
Christmases long ago, Easter customs in other parts of the
world, birthdays - and how differently they are perceived once
we start getting that little bit older.

Television and Radio

Well, is it bad for us? I for one find those dreaded 'Turtles'
on the telly are just the thing for plonking the kids in front of
when I want them to eat every ounce of their dinners. Every
spoonful incidentally goes in without a thought as to the taste
- TURTLES RULE on my TV!

So you see, your comments on television and radio can be
made even if in reality you've never looked at the screen or
tuned in to a station, and subsequently even the seemingly
most mundane of topics can be used to good effect for
future correspondence.

Famous and Infamous People

Have you met any? Were they as you expected?

Money

Something that concerns us all. Have you thought of novel
ways of saving it, making it? You have? Do tell!

Examples of Published Letters (All early 1991)

Jingle Jangles

I do wish advertisers would stop using ringing telephones in
their TV ads. My phone is in the hall, and many's the time I've
dashed out to answer it only to realise that no one's calling
me. It's just the TV. It's very frustrating and annoying.

Page 9
Almost every magazine and newspaper, of which there are
thousands in Britain alone, has a letters page, most paying
for contributions; some on set themes, others leaving the
subject matter entirely to the readers' discretion. Awards go
from œ1 to perhaps today's highest award (with the exception
of prize letter writing competitions) the Readers Digest œ150.

Because potential rewards are so high, many freelance
writers channel their entire efforts into providing text for the
letters pages, many making a handsome living for themselves
by doing so. A sustained degree of success demands that
the writer pays great attention to each and every letter, to the
words chosen, the topic selected, target publication, length,
and the style of writing. The end result is 'polished' carefully
before being written or typed onto the best stationery at the
writer's disposal. All of this though, for the determined letter
writer, is of little consequence until a preliminary, careful and
rigorous market study has been made of the publication to
which the letter will be directed.

What Can I Write About?

Look at almost any letters page and you will notice how vast
is the area of topics forming the basis of letters published.
Depending upon the style and viewpoint of the magazine or
newspaper, the letters may be formal or informal, family
originated or business/career-related, strongly worded or
humorous, even argumentative, sometimes tame. The import-
ance of market study will no doubt become evident when one
considers the difference between the tone and style of one
publication's letters, and those printed on another's pages.

For most letters' pages, that experience known as 'life' is all
that is required to find our letters selected for regular
publication. Comments, opinions, everyday experiences, all
have their place on the majority of paying pages.

Some editors favour comments on current affairs and matters
of concern to the general public; others lean towards family
anecdotes, words of wisdom from readers, those funny
things children say, and comments from older readers on
how things have changed since they were young. Editors
Page 2
Indeed it's an absolute farce,
To tell us we've got to say Marse!,
Those delectable bars,
Will always be Mars,
With nothing to touch them for class.

Show House

If you really hate doing the housework and just can't get
motivated to get on with it, try telling yourself you're cleaning
up to sell the house. It's amazing what you'll do if you think
there are strangers coming to look around!

Self-Service

I always enjoy your Pic of the Week, especially the silly signs.
I once saw a roadside notice that boggled my mind. It read:
'Bagged Manure, 20p. Do It Yourself 10p!'

So Necessary

I know too well the necessity for breast screening. I went
along for a test and found out that I had cancer and yet didn't
have any of the signs or symptoms........

Spelling Out Disaster

Having worked with people in their late teens and early 20s,
I'm appalled by the poor standards of education, speech and
literacy. Some examples I noted were Sidnum for Sydenham,
colidge for College and ........ ??!